When I initially started getting this problem I tried converting from 4g to 4000m but that didn't do anything heh, just tried again to make sure and same result. The 32 bit java thing is possible, I've downloaded about 4 different java versions from different links given in the op and in this thread, so I can't imagine that I manged to get it wrong every time but who knows, trying Weltall's most recent link, will let you guys know the results in a few minutes. Hopefully I am just incompetent and have been running 32 bit all along ;P
Edit:
Alright.... So it is now working with the version from Weltall X) I know it may be hard to believe, but I promise I have been actually using 64 bit! When I installed this newest version it even said | Uninstalling (insert name of the java version) (64bit) | but oh well. Thank you guys for helping me out with this one, maybe I'm being to premature by celebrating when all I've confirmed is that the game will launch but, eh, that's something. If I manage to find another issue I'll try and deal with it tomorrow. You guys have a good night (or day depending on location)!