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[Upgradecap]

Well, here's a little book I'm writing (so far, it's only in the prologue stage, recently just started on chapter 1) and i wanted to hear your opinions.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/txysrv9uzoxbtyh/TimCORP4.docx?m

Whaddya think?

Got a new chapter out - chapter three. Always use the above link for the latest version.

[ValkyriaL]

"meh" its good. FINISH CAP 1 ALREADY!

[hadesian]

you make me sad panda valk, you never said anything about myyyy stuff

[ValkyriaL]

I did, several times, perhaps you just put a blind eye to it?

[hadesian]

I did, several times, perhaps you just put a blind eye to it?

Maybe, I just have a really bad memory and other than that you never posted anything other than the blackmail in my topic :3

[ValkyriaL]

  teehee

[Upgradecap]

Guys, wrong topic and subject, if you didn't already know that. :p

Please do give constructive criticism on the prologue, so i know what to improve on further down into the book. 

[Pelly]

Good prologue.

But there are places that seem cluttered with words

He walked across the field, careful not to step into the muddy patches, since he just had his boots
cleaned.
could be replaced with "into the mud" and "he just had his boots cleaned", so just try and make some scentences shorter and bit more impactful, while retaining as much description as possible.

Also, DO NOT REVEAL WHO THE MAN IS, and make people guess and assume things like 'what is facility 8?'

You have a talent here, keep going and it will bloom.


PS:Xareh.....don't winge I've already complemented you

[hadesian]

into the muddy patches, since
PS:Xareh.....don't winge I've already complemented you

*clears throat*
He walked through the field, and to his dismay prior to this his high grade boots had just been cleaned, the inevitability was that that they were to be muddied through the moist field.

[Pelly]

into the muddy patches, since
PS:Xareh.....don't winge I've already complemented you

*clears throat*
He walked through the field, and to his dismay prior to this his high grade boots had just been cleaned, the inevitability was that that they were to be muddied through the moist field.

really? boyo....you know I AINT GOT TIME FOR THAT and this is meant to be offering critique and support to Upgrades book

[Upgradecap]

Guys, almost got chapter 1 ready.

Also, a quick question. Should i alternate between past and present, or just have the present related in the prologue and nothing else of it?

[Pelly]

Guys, almost got chapter 1 ready.

Also, a quick question. Should i alternate between past and present, or just have the present related in the prologue and nothing else of it?

Do present in parts of it, such as going to facility 8 ect and do other parts explaining stuff/relevent in past

[Upgradecap]

Well, here's a little hint:


Facility #08 is going to have a major part in the plot.

[Upgradecap]

Aaaaaand chapter 1 is up and ready to go! Read it, and tell me whaddya think of it!



https://www.dropbox.com/s/rtethlbojqpse4g/TimCORP.docx

[hadesian]

Reading, there are quite a few grammatical/spelling errors and flow too can be easily fixed.

For one, you mean klicks, not clicks.