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[B.K.]

I'm going to do this a bit differently.
Those that know, know who I am and what I do.
The book is finished, and I have plans.

So, here's a google drive link to Part 1.
It's open to anyone and set to commenter. Use your voices. Make it loud and clear.
Feel free to unload, in the privacy of the file. My souls is open, so come get some.


SUMMARY:
Demir Sunderland, one of the most wanted MOS flyboys in the Known Galaxy, has a surprise visit one night from Leto III, the Grand-Master of War. As a MOS pilot, Demir is no stranger to the highest flying numbers known to Mankind, and the occasional meeting with a Leto III. This one claims to be the real one, and he knows that Demir has found the system. For some reason this Leto knows what Demir knows, and he’s told no one. He certain of it.
Demir confirms that he’s actually talking to the original Leto III, somehow still alive. After the Collapse, the remaining Immortals were executed. Leto had vanished long before that – just after his Spearhead Assault during the AI War – and he was never confirmed dead. Just believed to be so.
The Leto standing right in front of Demir knows that the AIs – the same ones Leto vanquished once before, before the Collapse – are still functioning. Waiting and assembling.
The hotshot MOS and the original Leto have to band together to form an offensive against the AIs once more. But this time they have to do it by uniting a fractured Galaxy.
To many, a Galaxy fractured beyond repair.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DGmCscrZAjqpjPNAxmD3GePWCO3Y-0hHhZVXRQmml7A/edit?usp=sharing

[Network Pesci]

If you don't mind I'll unload right here.  Nothing terribly bad, you can take it.  It's almost all good, really.  I saw your topic a couple days ago where you were asking for editing and art help.  I clicked on the topic honestly intending to offer my proofreading services for free, but you don't need my help.  I read, what, the first four chapters.  Unlike 95% of fanfiction I've read, you don't have any obvious spelling mistakes or misplaced commas or quotes or mangled tenses.  When you leave out quotes or make technical "errors" it's obviously a deliberate stylistic choice because you're showing internal dialogue or whatever.  You know the difference between its and it's, and you know why they're on their way there.

Whether you have a proofreader better than me or you just have practiced enough that it comes natural, you don't really need any help I can give.  The only advice I've got is that I got the idea you were getting frustrated at how few responses you got, but you have to understand, an 80-chapter novel is quite a bit to read at once, it's going to take most people days or weeks to read the entire thing unless they devote every spare minute to it.  I still have got a StarSector campaign going and I also need to read Lem's Eden and give some commentary on that, and so even if the new version of StarSector doesn't come out, I can't promise I'll read the whole thing within the next...month, even.  The slice I've read so far was competently-crafted enough, there was only one part I disliked so far, this morning when I went to read the fifth chapter while I ate lunch, the forum said my bookmark was invalid.  Because the topic disappeared, is what I'm sayin.

I don't know that this is "helpful" exactly but at least you know there are actual eyes on your writing.  Feel free to tell me to take a walk out the airlock if this is none of my business, but did you by chance enter the 40K fanfiction challenge a while back?

[B.K.]

If you don't mind I'll unload right here.  Nothing terribly bad, you can take it.  It's almost all good, really.  I saw your topic a couple days ago where you were asking for editing and art help.  I clicked on the topic honestly intending to offer my proofreading services for free, but you don't need my help.  I read, what, the first four chapters.  Unlike 95% of fanfiction I've read, you don't have any obvious spelling mistakes or misplaced commas or quotes or mangled tenses.  When you leave out quotes or make technical "errors" it's obviously a deliberate stylistic choice because you're showing internal dialogue or whatever.  You know the difference between its and it's, and you know why they're on their way there.

Whether you have a proofreader better than me or you just have practiced enough that it comes natural, you don't really need any help I can give.  The only advice I've got is that I got the idea you were getting frustrated at how few responses you got, but you have to understand, an 80-chapter novel is quite a bit to read at once, it's going to take most people days or weeks to read the entire thing unless they devote every spare minute to it.  I still have got a StarSector campaign going and I also need to read Lem's Eden and give some commentary on that, and so even if the new version of StarSector doesn't come out, I can't promise I'll read the whole thing within the next...month, even.  The slice I've read so far was competently-crafted enough, there was only one part I disliked so far, this morning when I went to read the fifth chapter while I ate lunch, the forum said my bookmark was invalid.  Because the topic disappeared, is what I'm sayin.

I don't know that this is "helpful" exactly but at least you know there are actual eyes on your writing.  Feel free to tell me to take a walk out the airlock if this is none of my business, but did you by chance enter the 40K fanfiction challenge a while back?

Yeah, I can be a shitheel. I like my things either now or immediately.

Then I remember how I felt when a student would hand in their thesis. If one of them ever came into my office and plopped down a 300+ page thesis I would have John Wicked them on the spot, regardless of the quality. So I get it.
But still, I like my things now or immediately.

The reason I got Alex to delete the majority of the original topic with the whole book is basically for marketing reasons. Since it's finished I have some plans, so I don't want the entire thing just out there. The topic is still there, page 3, but just Part 1.

I divided the book into 6 parts, or seasons as I like to think of them. Makes for easier reading and editing.
Thanks for the kind words! The reason why I was looking for editors is not so much grammar as it is substance. For instance, no one *** knows that the goddamn Protectorate is. I just used the word about a year into writing and boom, now it's canon. Only I know what the *** it is, and nobody's asking me to drunk ramble about it. I never described what Demir looks like! He's literally the first case file. So I edited that description in.
There are missing threads here.

So please feel free to tell me what you liked and didn't either here or the open file.
It's all fair game.
And if you want to read after part 1 just hit me up for the rest 

P.S. I just got into 40K, and still my toes aren't even fully dipped. So if there's another B.K. writing 40K fiction out there I might have to handle that in single combat. There can be only one!