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Starsector 0.95a is out! (03/26/21); Blog post: Skill Changes, Part 2 (07/15/21)

Author Topic: How to become a planet  (Read 462 times)


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How to become a planet
« on: April 24, 2021, 11:33:46 AM »

Seeing as I'm currently doing a fair impersonation of a pan doing a noisy simmer, I thought I'd share something.
How to make the best damn fried rice.

Stage 1: Rice

You'll need:

  • A saucepan with a lid
  • Long grain rice
  • Water
  • Salt or some other flavouring
  • Frozen peas (optional)

Measure out a suitable quantity of rice using any convenient means.
A rough guide is a mug suitable for tea/coffee holds enough rice for 4-6 servings, depending on how hungry you are.
Tip the rice into the saucepan, then fill up the kettle and boil some water.
Using the same thing you measured the rice with, measure out 2 of those of boiling water and tip them in to the pan with the rice. Give it a quick stir with a spoon/fork/whatever.
Add some salt or whatever other seasoning you like, then turn on the heat as high as it will go and wait for the water to start boiling again.
As soon as you see the water bubble over, turn the heat to the lowest it will go and put the lid on.

During the cooking it is important to leave it alone. Resist the tempatation to stir it, or even touch it in any way.
The rice will take 10-20 mins to cook depending on how much there is. A single full tea/coffee mug will take ~15 mins.
If you want to be fancy, you can throw some frozen peas on top of the rice halfway through.

When you get near the time, take the lid off and look. If the rice looks dry use a fork/spoon to gently move a small portion of rice away from the side so you can see the bottom of the pan.
If it still looks wet or moist, put the lid back on and give it another couple of minutes.
If it looks dry it's done.

At this point you can put it to one side and leave it while you do other things.
It doesn't matter if it goes cold.

Alternatively, if you can't be bothered doing this get a bag/pot of pre-cooked rice. That will work just as well.

Stage 2: Preparation

You'll need:

  • Eggs - we don't know how many yet, so have half-a-dozen handy
  • Soy Sauce - dark is better than light for this, but any will do
  • Cooking oil - any kind will do
  • Salt & Pepper
  • Carrot - finely chopped (optional)
  • A clove of garlic or 1/2 tps garlic paste (optional)
  • Pre-cooked rice
  • A wok or large frying pan

First thing to do is cut up all the veggies if you're using those.
Cut the carrots into the smallest cubes you can manage, 3-4 mm accross is fine. They're not going to get much cooking time so bigger pieces don't do so well.
Mince the garlic as finely as you can manage, then put it all to one side.

Get a tablespoon and use that to spoon the cooked rice out of the pan and into a large mixing bowl. Heap them up, load that spoon as best you can.
And here's the important bit; count how many spoons of rice you move from the pan to the bowl.
For every 4 scoops of rice you'll need 1 egg. So if you count out 15 spoons you'll need 3 eggs etc. (Don't worry about any remainder.)
This number is also important later.

Crack the required number of eggs into a suitable vessel and whisk. When fully mixed put the eggs into the mixing bowl with the rice.
Add however much salt & pepper you feel like - but remember we're using soy sauce so it's going to have some salt already.
Measure out some cooking oil with a tablespoon (yes, it can be the same one), and add the same number of spoons as you added eggs. And then add 1 spoon of oil to your wok/frying pan.
Measure out some soy sauce and add it to the bowl of rice - again use the same amount of spoons as eggs.
Throw in all the chopped carrots.

Give the whole thing a good mix around to make sure everything is fully coated.
It should look like an unsettling shiny brown mess at this point. Don't worry, it will get better.
This is done for now, so set it aside while you get ready for the last part.
If you wanted to anything else in, such as pre-cooked onions, shrimp, cooked chicken scraps, whatever, throw them all in at this stage and give it a good mix.

Stage 3 - Cooking

We already have everything we need from the previous stages, so now it's all just putting it together.

The wok/frying pan already has some oil in it from the last part, so add all the minced garlic if you're using that and put the pan on a high heat.
Have your bowl of brown mush handy along with a spatula.
As soon as you see either the oil start to shimmer or the garlic start to fizz, add all the rice/egg mixture to the pan and use the spatula to keep the rice moving.
If you're blessed with actual co-ordination you can 'flick' the contents of the pan to keep everything moving. (I am not blessed.)
The important thing is to keep the heat high and not let anything stick. Keep it all moving.

After a couple of minutes you will see the rice 'dry' out and stop looking shiny, and it will start to accumulate little particles of egg.
When all the rice has stopped looking shiny, and all the egg looks like it's stuck to the rice it's done.

Enjoy your new spherical self.


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Re: How to become a planet
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2021, 04:42:17 PM »

Rice Planet
• Bountiful Farmland
• Plentiful Organics
• Habitable
• Heat(Extreme Heat?)
• No Atmosphere

Dread Lord Murubarda

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Re: How to become a planet
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2021, 04:30:13 PM »

I'm a vegan, so no eggs for me, also they are really bad for health. btw I'm a vegan, idk if I told you guys that I'm a vegan, so yeah... I'm a vegan.

all joking aside, I really am.
a vegan.