https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-care-for-my-senior-mother-and-pay-billsCurrent events update (don't see a way to link to the update directly). Also, copy pasted the update below.She passed away... Hello again friends, can't get much more direct than that. Aspiration pneumonia struck fast and unexpectedly. The hospital could not save her and she departed peacefully in a drug comforted sleep in a hospice ward. But I need help once again, because everything that followed has absolutely crushed me, doubly so when combined with everything of the past. I'm updating the fundraiser for anyone who wishes to help with medical and all other expenses past and present described previously and below.
This has hit me very hard, in many ways. After caring for her since 2019 and evidence from other past family members supporting this, I believed that she would likely live significantly longer. Despite my efforts to safely feed and hydrate her, she still aspirated a tiny sip of water which quickly snowballed into the fatal event. I did my very best, digging myself into a financial hole while sacrificing my own health, but my best wasn't good enough. And for me, my mother’s death is far from the end: the debts are due. I drained every bank account and maxed every credit card while caring for her entirely on my own.
I am going to summarize various aspects in bullet points, and expound where needed later. The immediate problems, with serious consequences if not solved soon, are as follows:
• Her medical bills have yet to arrive and they will soon. But I will be responsible for them and they will be an estimated four figures after Medicare decides how much they will pay. That amount is extrapolated from her hospital bills from the past.
• I need to pay her final income tax return. This is insane, because in effect she owes the same amount, but without her Social Security payments coming in anymore that I would previously use to pay for most of it. Estimated amount is in the low four figures.
• She still has outstanding debts that I need to take care of. The majority has been paid off, but I still need to pay a few thousand dollars more.
• I need to pay my income taxes this year. After all the increased expenses from what happened, plus a loss of one of the sources of income for this household, the money I had set aside to pay them has evaporated. There is still the desperate option of adding the outstanding taxes to my IRS installment plan, which is already difficult to pay—even more so if I add another tax year onto it.
Medium-term things:
• The guy I was going to have coat the roof... Is no longer available. The money set aside for this, was used to sort out some end-of-life expenses. Still, I need to replace the roof now, because no company offers the sort of coating I was looking at to eke more years out of it. And the aforementioned “roofing handyman” was the only guy around I could find who would do it. The monthly expense that would be needed to finance a new roof is impossible for me as things stand.
• I am pretty sure I figured out the cause of my heart palpitations and cardiac arrhythmia. I had a home sleep study done and it was determined that I have severe obstructive sleep apnea with 30 events that night, blood oxygen dipping to 83%, and a pulse that topped out at 102. I *need* an APAP (automatic positive airway pressure) machine, which would cost about $1000 after the dust settles. Without one, it is not a question of *if*, but rather *when* my symptoms will worsen to the point of emergency room visits or death.
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/sleep-apnea-conditions• I need to pay property taxes (approximately $2100 a year), which given all the other expenses, is very hard right now.
• I still have my old medical debt and other debts. I have plans to handle these, provided that I have help with dealing with the new problems I’ve already mentioned above.
You might ask, "Why don't you do payment plans and loans on the new expenses?" The answer is simple: my monthly expenses are already basically untenable; adding to it would send me into a financial death spiral. It’s also difficult to even *find* such loans, given how far my credit rating has torpedoed through five straight years of solo caretaking. Bankruptcy isn't an option either, as the roof would go un-replaced for many years and take the rest of the house with it.
... I'm sorry I'm once again asking for help, and so much. But I don't know what else to do. After years of bearing this situation alone. All of these additional expenses being dumped on me all at once are impossible to deal with.
I didn’t get much sleep while taking care of my mother, and unfortunately that hasn’t changed since her passing. Most of the time spent on caretaking, is instead now spent working trying to fix everything. And it’s nowhere near enough. With the revelation of severe obstructive sleep apnea which, now that I recognize the symptoms of it, I think I have had it for a decade or more! It is no wonder I am developing heart disease, especially combined with barely sleeping for years on end! I am not eating well since she passed either. Spending basically all of my money in an attempt to pay for everything while eating a below-poverty diet for a while now... I have lost ten pounds in a month.
Regarding the roof, the ceiling in the worst spot isn't at risk of falling anymore because I put a jack in place. But every rainstorm the ceiling damage worsens, and the eventual repair cost after a roof replacement will just keep ballooning. In addition, the lesser damaged areas will eventually be fall risks as well. At this point, unless my GoFundMe donations increase to a frankly unrealistic degree, my only real option is financing. I’d be looking at monthly payments in excess of $300 per month. I simply can’t afford this. If you would like to *truly* help with the roof, and with me putting my life back together in general, the best thing you can do is to join my Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/mesotronikAny amount contributed there (monthly), especially long-term donations, would give me far more financial stability than a lump sum. I could never possibly thank you enough if you decide to make such a commitment. It is going to take years to put my life back together and keep this house from falling apart. I lost so much time and it has been so long, and so many terrible things happened along with my overall health worsening. And I am effectively unemployable in the “conventional” sense and have been for a long time, though I do pretty well with my freelancing and my best move is to stay the course.
I pray for everyone in this world, that you do not have to do it alone. Caring for someone with a condition which slowly erases every aspect of your being, while at the same time trying to make a living and avoiding massive debt. Also, if you ever need to care for someone with Alzheimer's / dementia and want advice, feel free to ask me anything. It is the least I could do to help lower the learning curve for anyone involved with such a wretched situation.
If anyone can help me with the brunt of the new vital one-time expenses roughly represented by the goal amount of this fundraiser? I would be forever thankful. To say it would be LIFE-SAVING is not an exaggeration. The same goes for anyone who commits to reoccurring contributions via my Patreon. Any amount past the GoFundMe goal will be put directly towards a new roof, reducing the amount that would be financed.
Seriously, no words I could convey would ever be enough.
