https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-care-for-my-senior-mother-and-pay-bills
Current events update (don't see a way to link to the update directly). Also, copy pasted the update below.
She passed away... Hello again friends, can't get much more direct than that. Aspiration pneumonia struck fast and unexpectedly. The hospital could not save her and she departed peacefully in a drug comforted sleep in a hospice ward. But I need help once again, because everything that followed has absolutely crushed me, doubly so when combined with everything of the past. I'm updating the fundraiser for anyone who wishes to help with medical and all other expenses past and present described previously and below.
This has hit me very hard, in many ways. After caring for her since 2019 and evidence from other past family members supporting this, I believed that she would likely live significantly longer. Despite my efforts to safely feed and hydrate her, she still aspirated a tiny sip of water which quickly snowballed into the fatal event. I did my very best, digging myself into a financial hole while sacrificing my own health, but my best wasn't good enough. And for me, my mother’s death is far from the end: the debts are due. I drained every bank account and maxed every credit card while caring for her entirely on my own.
I am going to summarize various aspects in bullet points, and expound where needed later. The immediate problems, with serious consequences if not solved soon, are as follows:
• Her medical bills have yet to arrive and they will soon. But I will be responsible for them and they will be an estimated four figures after Medicare decides how much they will pay. That amount is extrapolated from her hospital bills from the past.
• I need to pay her final income tax return. This is insane, because in effect she owes the same amount, but without her Social Security payments coming in anymore that I would previously use to pay for most of it. Estimated amount is in the low four figures.
• She still has outstanding debts that I need to take care of. The majority has been paid off, but I still need to pay a few thousand dollars more.
• I need to pay my income taxes this year. After all the increased expenses from what happened, plus a loss of one of the sources of income for this household, the money I had set aside to pay them has evaporated. There is still the desperate option of adding the outstanding taxes to my IRS installment plan, which is already difficult to pay—even more so if I add another tax year onto it.
Medium-term things:
• The guy I was going to have coat the roof... Is no longer available. The money set aside for this, was used to sort out some end-of-life expenses. Still, I need to replace the roof now, because no company offers the sort of coating I was looking at to eke more years out of it. And the aforementioned “roofing handyman” was the only guy around I could find who would do it. The monthly expense that would be needed to finance a new roof is impossible for me as things stand.
• I am pretty sure I figured out the cause of my heart palpitations and cardiac arrhythmia. I had a home sleep study done and it was determined that I have severe obstructive sleep apnea with 30 events that night, blood oxygen dipping to 83%, and a pulse that topped out at 102. I *need* an APAP (automatic positive airway pressure) machine, which would cost about $1000 after the dust settles. Without one, it is not a question of *if*, but rather *when* my symptoms will worsen to the point of emergency room visits or death.
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/sleep-apnea-conditions
• I need to pay property taxes (approximately $2100 a year), which given all the other expenses, is very hard right now.
• I still have my old medical debt and other debts. I have plans to handle these, provided that I have help with dealing with the new problems I’ve already mentioned above.
You might ask, "Why don't you do payment plans and loans on the new expenses?" The answer is simple: my monthly expenses are already basically untenable; adding to it would send me into a financial death spiral. It’s also difficult to even *find* such loans, given how far my credit rating has torpedoed through five straight years of solo caretaking. Bankruptcy isn't an option either, as the roof would go un-replaced for many years and take the rest of the house with it.
... I'm sorry I'm once again asking for help, and so much. But I don't know what else to do. After years of bearing this situation alone. All of these additional expenses being dumped on me all at once are impossible to deal with.
I didn’t get much sleep while taking care of my mother, and unfortunately that hasn’t changed since her passing. Most of the time spent on caretaking, is instead now spent working trying to fix everything. And it’s nowhere near enough. With the revelation of severe obstructive sleep apnea which, now that I recognize the symptoms of it, I think I have had it for a decade or more! It is no wonder I am developing heart disease, especially combined with barely sleeping for years on end! I am not eating well since she passed either. Spending basically all of my money in an attempt to pay for everything while eating a below-poverty diet for a while now... I have lost ten pounds in a month.
Regarding the roof, the ceiling in the worst spot isn't at risk of falling anymore because I put a jack in place. But every rainstorm the ceiling damage worsens, and the eventual repair cost after a roof replacement will just keep ballooning. In addition, the lesser damaged areas will eventually be fall risks as well. At this point, unless my GoFundMe donations increase to a frankly unrealistic degree, my only real option is financing. I’d be looking at monthly payments in excess of $300 per month. I simply can’t afford this. If you would like to *truly* help with the roof, and with me putting my life back together in general, the best thing you can do is to join my Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/mesotronik
Any amount contributed there (monthly), especially long-term donations, would give me far more financial stability than a lump sum. I could never possibly thank you enough if you decide to make such a commitment. It is going to take years to put my life back together and keep this house from falling apart. I lost so much time and it has been so long, and so many terrible things happened along with my overall health worsening. And I am effectively unemployable in the “conventional” sense and have been for a long time, though I do pretty well with my freelancing and my best move is to stay the course.
I pray for everyone in this world, that you do not have to do it alone. Caring for someone with a condition which slowly erases every aspect of your being, while at the same time trying to make a living and avoiding massive debt. Also, if you ever need to care for someone with Alzheimer's / dementia and want advice, feel free to ask me anything. It is the least I could do to help lower the learning curve for anyone involved with such a wretched situation.
If anyone can help me with the brunt of the new vital one-time expenses roughly represented by the goal amount of this fundraiser? I would be forever thankful. To say it would be LIFE-SAVING is not an exaggeration. The same goes for anyone who commits to reoccurring contributions via my Patreon. Any amount past the GoFundMe goal will be put directly towards a new roof, reducing the amount that would be financed.
Seriously, no words I could convey would ever be enough.
Sigh, time is a flat circle. Gonna ramble a bit, and frankly ask for help as things are currently so beyond bad right now to an extent never before seen... And I've spent about a week before doing this, thinking of any way out. Talking to every person I know about prepaid work possibilities, shilling myself extra hard on game dev Discord and Telegram channels for said possibilities etc etc... And no dice really beyond the norm came of it.
Put in the shortest possible manner... The ceiling is going to collapse during the monsoon season if I do not figure SOMETHING out, details in the GFM update. I don't see a way to stop this from happening on my own. Given that I am doing unpaid dementia caretaking alone going on four years, something that should be done by two, ideally three people... To say that it is unworkable to deal with calamities of this nature is a massive understatement. Like I save what I can, but with her ongoing dental work and various other emergencies, there just is no way to deal with more than one calamity at once. And I knew the roof needed work, for a long time and has been mentioned as such. But I always assumed I could make it happen on my own. But I just... Can't. If the level of care needed and medical expenditures remained a flat figure? Yea it would have. But that isn't the nature of dementia, and ever degrading health. The void is essentially infinite in depth, until it ends which won't be any time soon most likely.
Anyways, I am sorry I am directly asking for help. But at this point I feel like I have no choice and put off doing so for as long as possible, in the perhaps quixotic dream of hope that it wouldn't be needed. I'm really thankful to everyone who chipped in during the previous updates, for every contribution helps get us through this Hellish situation of dementia caretaking all alone.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-care-for-my-senior-mother-and-pay-bills
Current events update (don't see a way to link to the update directly). Also, copy pasted the update below.SpoilerHello again friends. Another update today, to be blunt... To talk about an emergency that requires help.
As I mentioned in prior updates, the roof needs repairs and coating and it can no longer be put off despite my attempts to make it happen all on my own. The last time there was an absolutely huge rainstorm here, where the house itself was almost flooded by the streets and yards filling with water. It created a entirely new series of leaks and greatly worsened an old damaged area as seen in the pictures, which is even worse than it appears in the pics. The ceiling is bowing downward a significant fraction of an inch, as shown in the second photo. It isn't the same leak there from the past (a lesser damaged version is shown earlier in the GFM), but I am 99% sure this is where a roof deck board terminates and water simply flowed to that same spot from a different location. To put it in the shortest possible manner: The upcoming monsoon season is probably going to cause the ceiling in this house to collapse in at least three areas and there is nothing I can do about it. And if that happens not only would the roof work still need to happen, but the cost of ceiling repairs would be so enormous that it might as well be on the moon. Also worth noting is that the areas were tested for mold (there is none), and the roof deck boards are not rotted out. Thank goodness for the desert here!
The recent cost estimate I got for the significant repairs required is four grand. It would include nailing down loose shingles, putting sealant around all flashings and roof penetrations, replacing one rusted out galvanized steel flashing that is likely 80 years old, coating the entire roof with three coats of rolled on acrylic elastomer (think of it as a thick rubber layer), and repairing the worst-damaged ceiling area. The second to last point is a big deal since it would in effect freeze the roof in time after the repairs. With a warrantied time period of five years, but a service life of seven to ten because it would be three coats (because of the Arizona sun) not the usual two. The last point is also a huge deal since that area of the ceiling I think will fall in the foreseeable future even if the leaks stop. The other two areas that are compromised I think will remain suspended indefinitely as long as the leaks stop and no new ones form. Yes this is a significant amount of money I am asking for, but what else can I do? Everyone bends to reality when existence is on the line and no alternatives exist... So here I am, once again, asking for help and this time with a very specific and significant issue. Also, any extra above the four thousand of this update post will go to other things mentioned in the past like wheelchair ramps (needed soon!) etc etc.
The thing that really hurts, is that not even all that long ago I would do some of these repairs myself. But my old knee injury (torn meniscus) just keeps getting worse and is greatly aggravated by the significant and ever increasing physical assistance my mother needs. The last time I climbed on the roof my knee gave out and I almost fell off. That was the end of that, as doing that ever again is a Very Bad Idea.
Finally, why am I asking for something so specific now? Because as said before I am running out of time before the monsoon season. And I kept thinking I could clutch this on my own. I tried to set aside a bit of money every month to save for this. But she keeps having dental issues and other lesser emergencies and the amount of freelance remote work time I can put in is very limited and only decreases over time, because I am doing an unpaid caretaking job that should be done by two, ideally three people, ALONE and have done so for four years now.
Anyways it is what it is, and if anyone can help... It would be appreciated beyond mere words. This current situation is the worst things have been here so far to a large degree and this is saying a lot, and if not resolved very soon... Will become practically impossible to deal with.
(https://i.imgur.com/Pqv5jYV.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/59E3pYJ.jpeg)[close]
Hello again everyone, I am doing something I really don't want to do and I wish I had another choice in the matter. But I am asking for help once again, and doing it in a way unlike before... Reaching beyond only the Starsector community due to the severity of the situation being worse than even the height of all prior problems combined as mentioned throughout this thread previously. Lives are unironically at stake, to a degree where I wish things were only "only" as bad as a couple of years ago when this thread was first made.
I have launched a GoFundMe to raise some urgently needed funds, you can see the details here:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-care-for-my-senior-mother-and-pay-bills
Yea, I am asking for a substantial amount of money there but if you read the campaign you will understand why. I am divulging more information than ever before, and it truly hurts to do that but it is what it is. Any help rendered is something I could never possibly thank one enough for. And even if you are unable to donate or do not wish to? Please consider signal boosting it, which is also something that can make a world of difference as well.
Again, thank you all for your help, both past and present. My mother and I truly appreciate it!
Can confirm that the donation link is legit.Yeah, sorry about the bit.ly link. However the link shortener IS needed as it is a giant URL string. The donation link was taken straight from his THI page. Adding this to the main post.
I really hate hearing about this. Caring for someone with dementia is a serious undertaking, it is understandable that little time is left for work.
Meso is a really, really nice guy, and has helped countless others in this community over the years - if anyone has ever deserved support in a time of crisis, it's him.
Meso is a really, really nice guy, and has helped countless others in this community over the years - if anyone has ever deserved support in a time of crisis, it's him.
"Donation to this recipient is not supported in this country."Try DL the Opera browser for their free VPN feature.
Well, frick.
Anyone having issues, there is also a Patreon that offers more options.
https://www.patreon.com/mesotronik
Again I thank you so much for the kind words and help everyone. It has already made a difference, was able to pay off some of the past due bills and order a few things to help her. Think stuff like handrails I am going to install around the house in her bedroom, hallway, and the shower.And I want to thank Alex, and all of you guys for donating and trusting me on this. Special thanks to Alex as this is his house and his rules, so without his help, this couldn't have happened
I wish I could think of more to say, but this is all so very heavy and I need to do more thinking...
Damn where's the "money doesn't solve everything" people now. Maybe not every single thing but it sure does help with 99.99% of your problems and helps avoid the living hell. Your situation is something I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy, it's incredible how you're still fighting with everything you have, I'd have fallen apart long ago if I was in your shoes. Stay strong Meso, your mother raised a great individual <3
Sorry but you should really use a proper service for this as currently there is absolutely no way to remotely ensure this is a legitimate donation. The fact that this is the top post on the main page here is concerning.
Not qualifying for government support and then not even mentioning the reasoning why is shady.
Are we allowed to start threads here for donations? I would really think this would be against forum rules unless some sort of exception is being made here.
Anyway, thanks for being transparent with how much you are getting from donations and for showing proper receipts (Not just price quotes)
Have you hit up the UAF mod author? He is currently looking for someone to do payed sound work for his entire mod.I have worked for them in the past, it isn't something that will happen again.
I had a couple paragraphs of advice written up, but then suddenly the lyrics of a certain song came to mind "Never take advice from someone who hasn't tried", then I deleted it all. I've never been in a ***-tier life situation like you are. Good luck dude, hope you can figure something out to make some big changes for the better.Unfortunately, those words have quite a bit of truth to them friend. But also thank you for the kind words and well wishing too!
As for some former posts u made, 6k Dollar is way 2mutch.It really wasn't too much, it was on the lower end of estimates for replacing a roof top packaged air conditioner unit. At least for companies who had good reviews. And repairing it wasn't practical at all.
I would recommend replacing parts (if needed) and patching up the air-conditioner u have.
ll first describe the part where there are no leaks in the system followed later for when there are leaks;It was leaking coolant very slowly, water was also getting into areas it didn't belong, and several air conditioner outfits I called said they did not have the anachronistic r22 freon on hand. Were they telling the truth? I'll never know.
Assuming there are no leaking holes in your system, use a replacement coolant for your system.
To test if u got the right stuff; tap a little bit out of the system and into a cheap small bowl,
go outside and ad a little new replacement coolant into the bowl.
If no bubbling flashing hissing or whatever happens, they are more than compatible,
and thus u don't need to drain your system and replace it... u can simply add the new ''replacement'' coolant.
Some people would advice against this, but that is why u test whit just a little bit, and also this happens all
the time everywhere, including your car during service or even factory's where there is a lot more than
just heat-exchangers and air-conditioners.
Ignore commercial talk like; only replace x form brand x, whit x from brand x.That goes without saying friend. Though I appreciate the sentiment.
This is litteral commercial talk. This is also the reason some would almost always fall for this salesman's pitch,
out of stupidity or fear... probably both.
Example... GM motors would always advice GM motors ....would it not? This goes for all commercial talks / commercials.
That being sad, dont skip the testing part, there are incompatibility's around, altho for non-industrial stuff most unlikely.
U have a 1990's system? here is a link for replacement coolants usually found in your local DIY hardware store:In the United States, you cannot get coolants without certifications. And for old style coolants you need a cert to even reclaim it from units being removed to then be repurposed to refurbishing other old ones.
https://www.ctc-n.org/technologies/shift-coolants-and-refrigerants-lower-gwp
Sometimes it even says on the bottle for what time''era the replacement coolant is.
If all this information is 2 mutch ->It isn't too much, it just isn't *useful* nor any longer *relevant* information. Though I appreciate the sentiment. I am a handyman myself, so I know a bit about everything and once upon a time did some construction / general contracting / plumbing.
The savvy tech guy at your local DIY store should know what u need. Describe the situation and item + (sub)items to be repaired / take alot of pictures
All in all,Again I appreciate it, but it no longer matters as the unit was replaced as said previously in this thread. Repairing it would have been a Bad Idea. A unit older than most people in this community (and more than twice the average life span of these things), with discontinued coolant, with a compressor on the fritz, with a slow leak somewhere in the closed loop, fan bearings starting to go bad, and with severe rust on the outer steel casing? Would cost more than half the cost of a new unit to repair. And considering all factors? Just would not be a particularly good idea. Those outfits were truthful in telling me to just replace it, I already knew that really, and is hard to pull one over on me lol.
This information should set u up to deal whit this yourself, for a lot cheaper,
and thus, i will consider this my contribution to u ^^
A unit older than most people in this community
In the United States, you cannot get coolants without certifications. And for old style coolants you need a cert to even reclaim it from units being removed to then be repurposed to refurbishing other old ones.
Meso, you have signed up for Medicaid, right?No he hasn't and has been unable to as well due to him being above the so called "poverty line" that is set so low it isn't even usable for most... And what is worse is that in some states, I'm not sure about Arizona, it is an all or nothing thing... I'm speaking from my experience from when I was helping and living with my father when he had cancer so I know what he is going through.
• Her medical bills have yet to arrive and they will soon. But I will be responsible for them and they will be an estimated four figures after Medicare decides how much they will pay. That amount is extrapolated from her hospital bills from the past.
• She still has outstanding debts that I need to take care of. The majority has been paid off, but I still need to pay a few thousand dollars more.