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Starsector 0.9.1a is out! (05/10/19); Blog post: Skills and Story Points (07/08/19)

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Author Topic: Hyph's Welcome  (Read 9379 times)

GUNINANRUNIN

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Hyph's Welcome
« on: September 05, 2012, 11:31:00 AM »

....that will be all, continue with your daily routines.

The announcement has hardly finished echoing through the ship over the intercom when a crewman comes running up to you, out of breath.

Sir! Its very good to see you sir! Its a wonderful day to sail today, oh yes! Would you like some chicken alfredo sir? Its a little treat from me and the boys on battery five! We spent a great deal of time on it, oh yes we suuuuure did....

The chief gunner grins at you, offering the alfredo entreatingly as he speaks to you. You look, dumbfounded at the steaming bowl of saucy pasta. You notice that the noodles seem to spell out, "Welcome back Hyph!" You laugh nervously and back away slowly, heart pounding, being careful to keep your eyes level with his as you slowly make your way off of the bridge.

Uh..uhhm....I've got some work to do sergeant..you know...TPS reports and all that...erhm...can I get back to you on this? I've really...uhm..got to go....

You stab your finger towards the door, mouthing feverishly to the other crewmembers. It was something along the lines of: "GET TO THE ESCAPE PODS! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! THIS PSYCHO'S GOING TO KILL US!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! RUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!". They stare blankly back at you.

Realising that your only chance is to abandon your men and save yourself, you spin around quickly and sprint down the hallway towards the hanger. You can hear your former crew racing along behind you, shouting "Try it! Try it!!" as they stumble and trip over one another, trying to take your soul and stuff delicious pasta down its throat. As you reach the doors to the fighter bay you find your path blocked by a throng of moaning pilots and technicians. Your path blocked, you dive into the escape-pod set into the hull, smashing the eject button just as the smarms of drooling crewmen reach you.

I'll be safe soon... they can't possibly reach me from here..

The pod launches from its housing, engines flaring as it thrusts away from the ship. You can still see the crew watching your pod through the port holes transfixed, as it drifts along through space. Weeping for your lost comrades, you eventually fall asleep, tossing and turning in a pool of your own tears....

A jarring explosion awakes you a few hours later. You step out of the escape pod and conclude that you must have embedded yourself in a passing wreck.

How in the hell..? You chuckle softly.

Your brief moment of celebration is interrupted by the sound of claws on metal. Tiny. Claws.

A shock of fear rockets up your spine and you subsequently make a dash for the nearest control room in hopes of find another escape pod. You're greeted by instead by a sickening sight. Dozens of corpses lie strewn about the room, most of them still seated at the control consoles. Their bodies have been slashed open, wet noodles smothered in pale-white alfredo sauce are spilling from their open wounds.

Chicken scratch, just like Corvus..

You have the sudden urge to vomit and double over, retching. A familiar voice comes crackling over the ship's intercom.


Good evening sir! A fine day for sailing, hmm? Poor thing, you're not feeling well! A taste of our delicious chicken alfredo will do you some good! We spent mountains of work on it, sir! Oh yes we did. It'll sort you out right quick! Just one little taste! Just a teensy little nibble!

You're trembling uncontrollably now, and you drop to your knees. You begin to sob again as you clamber out of the control room on your hands and feet, working your way to a standing jog until you're eventually running down the hallway, doing your best to see through your watering eyes as you desperately try to escape that damned voice.

But sir! Why are you running! We just want you to give it a taste! Just a little taste!

The speech descends into a cacaphony of raucous laughter, in the background you can hear clucking. As you barrel around the next corner, trying to reach the end of the seemingly endless string of corridors, you run headlong into something large and feathery and get knocked to the deck. As you pick yourself up, wiping the tears from your face, you look up.

There is a giant chicken blocking your path.
It cocks its head at your motionless figure.
Its beady gaze is the last thing you see before its grasps your skull in its sharp beak and rips your throat out with a few pawing swipes of its dull talons, pulling your oesophagus partially out of your chest cavity and yanking at veins and strings of muscle still in your neck.

THE END

Inspired by Hyph's welcome back thread.
Written (sort of) by Hyph and UpgradeCap, edited and brutalised by me, GUNINANRUNIN (AKA TheLastHokuten).
« Last Edit: April 21, 2013, 10:27:09 PM by GUNINANRUNIN »
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.

Hyph_K31

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2012, 11:41:23 AM »

I want to see more of my welcome :D

Rise of the chicken Alfredo...
« Last Edit: September 05, 2012, 11:44:11 AM by Hyph_K31 »
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Thaago

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2012, 11:57:29 AM »

Well that didn't go as I expected.
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GUNINANRUNIN

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2012, 01:08:56 PM »

I want to see more of my welcome :D

Rise of the chicken Alfredo...
Do you want a sequel?
I'd like to do a poll on the name.
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.

Upgradecap

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2012, 01:22:29 PM »

I want a sequel! Moar GAX-6 Industries in there too! Oh, make the the antagonists! :D
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GUNINANRUNIN

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2012, 01:35:50 PM »

Well that didn't go as I expected.

What were you expecting?
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.

Hyph_K31

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2012, 01:49:16 PM »

I think he was expecting something less insane.

although I think he didn't take the people in question into consideration properly XD
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Upgradecap

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2012, 01:56:21 PM »

what to expect when Hyph_k31 and upgradecap is involved:

madness and insanity.
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Archduke Astro

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2012, 06:14:20 PM »

It's amazing what lithium and lots of therapy can accomplish; even with the really delusional patients. ;D
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We thought our last moment had come
when we got a message up the voice pipe
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Xareh

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2012, 09:34:12 AM »

what to expect when Hyph_k31 and upgradecap is involved:

madness and insanity.
what to expect when Hyph_k31, Upgradecap and Xareh are involved:

Something worse than that.
And a plethora of typoes.
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Changes as of May 24, 2013
  • Reinvented Starsector.
  • That is all.

GUNINANRUNIN

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2012, 10:22:58 AM »

what to expect when Hyph_k31 and upgradecap is involved:

madness and insanity.
what to expect when Hyph_k31, Upgradecap and Xareh are involved:

Something worse than that.
And a plethora of typoes.
Hey..! What about....me........  :-\
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.

Upgradecap

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2012, 10:40:40 AM »

You gonna write a sequel? If not, i could do it! :D
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GUNINANRUNIN

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2012, 10:58:52 AM »

You gonna write a sequel? If not, i could do it! :D
Mine. >:( I'll do it soon. I promise. ;)
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.

Upgradecap

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2012, 11:02:14 AM »

I hope you'd better implement GaX-6 Industries... ;)


Also, when is "soon", relative to the end of the universe? ;)
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GUNINANRUNIN

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Re: Hyph's Welcome
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2012, 11:32:31 AM »

I know nothing about Gax-6 so I can't really set the story there (or whatever), although Hyph and I were planning to have you and perhaps a few other members of the forum as guest stars. As soon as he gets back to me on my ideas for the story I can start writing.
« Last Edit: September 18, 2012, 12:47:09 PM by GUNINANRUNIN »
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In short, if you throw a stone out of the rear window of your spaceship you will go faster.
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