Energy weapon don't "suck", it's just that most of them need to be deployed en masse to actually achieve the thing they're supposed to do.
Graviton beams are quite good at grinding the enemy down but you really need at least three of them going off at once from a long enough range to really matter. The only ship in my fleet using them is the Paragon flagship
Tactical lasers are the same thing but more damage focused. My Paragon was the only one using them before I switched them all for LR PD spam to focus more on being a tank
Tachyon lances/Ion beams/autopulse lasers/high intensity lasers offer great results on unshielded targets from great distances, but need support from the former two energy weapons to bring Shields down thru attrition
IR pulse lasers are the brawling energy weapon of choice since it's a never ending stream of flux efficient DAKKA which create the base for energy weapons with a bit more "oof"
Speaking of short range "oof" blasters, heavy Blasters, plasma cannons and the ion minigun looking medium mount thingy can shred things in mere volleys but they need pressure to do the work.
The important thing with lasers I'd that you either go long range melting or close range blapping, there is no middle ground and attempting to achieve it will do nothing but have your AI controlled ships only use half of their offensive potential at a time.
Edit: Wait just saw the wink, you were being sarcastic weren't you