I'm interested in reading more :)
Minor corrections/stuff:
Spoiler
sense the divine -> sense of the divine
Mora class -> Mora-class
(on the other hand you're also supposed to italicise the class name (example (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirov-class_cruiser)), but I've never bothered with that, perhaps because no game I know does either)
Rimor has a space after it and before the full stop that shouldn't be there
The bolding all dialogue is an unusual conceit, any particular reason for it?
I'll be writing more this week, a little swamped atm so I've not been able to move onto the next chapter.
As to your comments:
Spoiler
Thank you for the stylistic updates, fixed :)
The bold thing is an old habit from when I used to write on roleplay forums, I suppose it is a little stylistically odd I might consider changing it if people find it distracting